I have managed to conquer the Friday meet after work for beer event.  I had iced tea, and not even all of it because I swear there was something other than tea in it.  I don’t know maybe it’s the caffeine.  But obstacle diverted! 

I did forget to eat lunch today.  I’ve noticed I’ve been doing that a lot lately.  Not good.  I really need to work on this!  I think next week I’m going to try to get more elaborate with my salads.  I really need to change it up coming up on the half way point of this first 30 days.  I think this weekend I’m going to see if  I can’t find some new recipes.  I’ve been keeping it basic up to this point, and really need to branch out a bit!  Just because I’m not eating certain things doesn’t mean what I do eat shouldn’t taste good!

Today is the first day I feel like I am getting a little bit of zing back in my step!  I mean I still have that “I want to go to bed” feeling.  But I did get quite a bit accomplished and my body doesn’t feel like it’s been through a wringer today!  OMG the last week was just brutal!

I also don’t feel like people have been getting on my nerves as much.  Don’t get me wrong, I have faith that people will always get on my nerves (at least the ignorant stupid ones). 

Now for the update on the clothes and other wearable items.  Rings are much looser!  Very excited about that.  And my clothes overall are getting looser.  That pair of pants I had that were borderline, yeah can’t really get away with them although they do zip up, fit like they are supposed to now.  so that’s pretty exciting.

I’m very excited for dinner this evening.  Beef Tenderloin and green beans and potatoes.  I will not be partaking in the potato portion of today’s meal.  But I’m really okay with that.  Potatoes are kind of a gateway food for me.  So I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I will not be partaking in the potato any longer.  Kind of like sugar.  I don’t think I’ll go back to sugar.  And dairy.  I’m really okay with not having any dairy.  Probably the bread thing too.  See I have an issue with bread…and most wheat products come to think of it.  See on more than one occasion I have bitten into a piece of bread/roll/wheat thin to find mealworms wiggling around in my food.  Now I realize in some countries that would be considered quite a luxury and I should feel fortunate for them being there.  But I prefer not to eat moving insects.  So as it was I would inspect the hell out of a grain before I would eat it, and just be freaked out with every bite.  So why go through that stress!

Then there’s corn products.  I mean does corn even have any nutritional value to it?  Why bother. I don’t like corn anyway.  Of course I do like corn chips and tortillas…but could totally do without them…(chips…gateway food! need to stay away!

Now the thing I really really want these days is an apple.  I so miss my apples and peanutbutter.  The first thing I want to add back in is apples!!!!!! 

Well not a whole lot to report today.  Got to sleep pretty good last night.  I LOVE my bed!!!! (especially after camping for the weekend.)  Work was pretty uneventful.  Which is probably a good thing.

So one thing yesterday I mentioned was that I was dizzy and had all kinds of chest pains.  Well I am fine today.  I am convinced it was from soaking as long as we did and then the altitude, oh and not drinking enough water!  I went into a brief panic this morning while making my lunch.  Had nothing but lunch meat in the refrigerator.  I’m like OMG do I dare?  I didn’t.  Found some almonds to put on my salad. All was good.  Grilled up some chicken tonight for tomorrow.  But I’m getting pretty good around everything.  I mean I sat and listened to an entire conversation about Krispy Kremes and didn’t flinch. 

Wednesday is the next company lunch.  It’s a Thai place, not sure if I want to chance it after finding out about the pancake batter in omelets! (gosh that’s a funny word)  But I’m starting to settle down a bit.  I mean people talking about food and offering me stuff doesn’t bother me as much as it did last week.  I honestly feel at this point that if I were to eat something with sugar or dairy or wheat I would feel like total crap afterwards.  But I’m still plugging at it one day at at time.

I have to say though, I don’t have a whole lot of energy.  I mean I don’t fall asleep at work or anything.  But I just kind of feel lethargic.  I don’t feel like exercising at all.  I think I’m going to go one more week and then if I don’t have all this energy force myself into doing something.

I have been taking my vitamins on a regular basis.  Hopefully that is helping something.  I have to say, I don’t feel like I’m 100% yet.  Probably feel about 80%. Right now mostly just tired.  This past weekend I did a bunch of walking and stuff…which may have something to do with it. But what it reminds me of is when I quit smoking how I was tired all the time.  And that was the whole detoxing of all the stimulants.  Which this could quite be the same thing. 

And now for the picture of the day…..

Takin’ a walk….but she looked both ways before she crossed!

Today is our 15 year anniversary (oh look! It has a 5 in it!) he got me a new lens for my camera! very very excited! (TEAM CANON!)

Now how was DAY 5? Woke up this morning a little light headed. Drink more water! And being up here in the mountains, have to drink more than the average bear. One day I’ll actually understand that. So the ultimate phenomenon has begun. I have to remind myself to eat. I’m not hungry. Of course I’m getting to the point of why bother…it’s only food. Which is probably a good thing for someone like me with addiction issues! Starting to cross the threshold of “food is only to fuel the body….not to suite you emotional needs”

So we are going camping this weekend. Leaving tomorrow right after work. Very excited….I will take pictures all weekend while Pete fishes or whatever it is men do. (I will also be reading Game of Thrones since I need something to hold me over til season 4). But there are the hot springs and just an all around relaxing time. Always fun.
Every time we go…we hit the store (walmart, as much as I hate to admit that), get a bunch of fun snacks, drinks…because that’s what you do when you camp….you sit around and snack for 2 days straight!!! This time we go into Walmart, Pete is putting all kinds of stuff he’s going to eat in the bag (although trying to make good choices) and he looks at me and says, “what are you going to eat?” Well the selection of approved items is not popular at Walmart Supercenter! In fact, I couldn’t find anything that didn’t have sugar or something else awful in it. So I told him that I had some chicken and beef at home. I could bring a bunch of lettuce (our garden is going nuts with it!), some spices and some nuts. I’m good. He just kinda looked at me like he felt sorry for me. But I was like no really…it’s good!
I intend to spend most of my time hiking, picture taking and reading this weekend so it’s not like I’m going to have time to sit around obsessing about food. Now what he’s worried about is: In the past if I didn’t eat something after a certain amount of time I would get beyond evil. Well since I don’t have the sugar spikes any more, I don’t have the mood swings any more. After I explained this to him he felt a little better…but he’s the time that will have to see it to believe it. Which is totally understandable. Looking back at stuff like that is really amazing.

Now tomorrow at work is the pizza party. I am prepared!!!! And I found one intern at work (we have a lot of college interns) that asked for apples today for a snack. So I went and got apples…I’m not going to deny a kid of some apples!!! Although I can’t have them yet..it’s nice that there is someone that doesn’t eat all that crap! There is hope!!!!

So this is about how I feel today.  I’ve decided to come on here while my food cooks so I don’t do something completely off the wall.  (I want to eat the WHOLE bag of cashews right now!!!!)

Day 4, okay, started out so so.  Then after sitting listening to people eat stuff and offer me jelly bellies and watch people eat cake and pizza, I got in a really fowl mood.  (this will be the venting portion of today’s blog)  Now, I specifically let everyone at work know what I was doing and I really thought that was understood.  But like most human beings, they only pay attention and comprehend as it pertains to them.  I act like I’m completely shocked by this “new” revelation.  So I make it through work (barely) and stop at the grocery store.  I have to get eggs and an anniversary card for my husband (anniversary is tomorrow).  This was kind of easy.  So as I’m going through the store trying to find a safe isle to go down to get to the registers..I stop at the spices.  Yes, because I somehow thought the cake and pudding isle would be the best choice.  I had picked up some grass fed beef and heck okay….READ LABELS!  My goodness everything has sugar in it!  Sneaky bastards!

I finally make it out of the grocery store and decide, hey, I might as well pick up my prescription at Walgreens since they notified me like 4 days ago. (coincidence?) Well I get there and they inform me that it’s at the Walgreens across town.  Um…okay…thanks for letting me know.  I drive across town and go through the drive in window. (it’s faster you know) And I get this voice saying “we’ll be with you when we can, I have people in here” Oh..okay.  So I sit there for like 10 minutes.  Then decide wow there must be a mob!  So I go inside to check it out.  empty.  No one is there.  Okay.  So again this voice tells me “I’ll try to be with you when I can, we are really busy” ummm.  okay fine.  So 15 minutes later I get my prescription and leave. 

Now the whole time I’m just pissed because I’m wanting to get home and just eat!  I can’t just grab something quick (and yeah they have honey mustard wheat thins now…I’m pretty sure they would taste like crap though!)

So as I’m running around with all this stuff, I’m still thinking about how I’m going to get through the next month at work.  I thought about the response I got from Kevin (not sure if I love him or hate him yet….more on that next week) and decided yeah…These people can sit there and stuff their faces with all this crap food.  They are making themselves more and more unhealthy, they are going down the road I am getting off.  (so I’m better than they are na na na na naaaa na)  I shouldn’t feel like I”m being deprived and left out.  I should feel sorry for them that they don’t have the strength to take better care of themselves.  (wow haven’t I just turned into a self righteous food snob!)  So that’s what I’m going to think about the whole thing every time I’m faced with the offer of something nasty!

Okay now back to more important things…How do I feel.  Well words of wisdom…(ha, this should be enlightening!)  I really wish I had planned this out a bit better….because I don’t know that starting this program and PMS should happen at the same time.  So ladies….if you are going to do this….think about what time of the month it is!  So needless to say I am just a complete and utter joy right now.  And would be right now even if I wasn’t on day for of 30 days of hell.  BUT on the up side…(yes there is an upside!) I will be stronger and come through better for having gone through this (gag).  But seriously it’s one of those things that if I can make it through this…the rest of it….piece of ca…um…Steak!

So I haven’t been exercising at all.  Although it would probably be good for me, especially this week, I’m being a bit of a whimp about the whole thing.  My fitbit yells at me at the end of every day….I’m still logging everything, I’m still staying within all the guidelines.  But, after hell week here is over I can get back on schedule. 

:)

Day 2 was harsh.  Headache, didn’t feel all that great…kind of icky.  By the end of the day I could feel like the fog was starting to lift a bit.  Hard to explain but it’s like all this gunk but you know something good was underneath.  (Yes that sounds very weird)

I’m on Day 3 – The one thing I noticed is that my ring is much looser.  Which means no swelling!  I can’t figure out if I’m feeling hunger or cravings.  I am pretty sure it’s cravings.  I’m eating the same amount of calories, so it’s not like I’m starving.  I’m just amazed at the things I am noticing about my eating habits and what I’m addicted to.  I suppose I should really write these things down in detail!

Day 1, the first meal out of this was eggs.  And the first thing I wanted to do was put syrup on them (it is breakfast you know!)  Sugar was the biggest thing for me on day 1.  Wanted to hurt people by the end of the day. 

Day 2 I wanted carbs and something processed! (and of course sugar).  This day was pretty rough.  Migraine and over all yuck.   Still wanted to hurt people but not a little less violent.  Also started to notice that underlying good, strong, clean feeling under all the muck.

Day 3. I really really wanted goldfish crackers today, and M&Ms…but I’m getting to the point where I know if I ate them I would feel like crap.  At dinner, which I was so depressed about…Made Pete meatballs…mine didn’t have anything in them…although spices are my friend!!!!  So after spicing it up a bit (hello onion powder!) it wasn’t so bad.  so that made me happy….this may work.

I’m starting to get a little nervous if I’m going to be able to keep this up.  I’ve only done something like this for 2 weeks. (and ranch dressing and cheese was involved)  I’m hoping the on line support group can keep me to this for 30 days!  I really have to remember to be more on top of documenting everything…maybe it’ll help!!!!

I’m now starting to get settled into my routine with work. Now onto phase 2…taking control of everything else!
I was doing some research on why people were so obsessed about CrossFit. These people are a trip! But great that they are so passionate I guess…anyhoo…I came across this blog and next thing you know I’m following it all around. Everything this guy Kevin was saying so made sense to me! It was so nice to read something that didn’t seem full of crap. So I decided to give the program a try. (yes I did all kinds of research to see if I could find ANYTHING negative, and I couldn’t…so good deal!) I started the “Rebooted Body” program today. Day one in the books. The next 30 days are going to totally suck ass. But I’m going to take it day by day. So for the first 30 days of the program is detox mode. Time to get rid of all that nasty crap and get rid of cravings and hopefully addictions! This means…No sugar, grains, starches, fruit, sweeteners, processed, nasty otherwise unnatural food. What does this leave? Meat and vegetables! Just going to take it one day at a time. Some of the fun activities I did do…hid the scales in the house! NO SCALES! I also busted out those jeans a few sizes too small to give me something visually to shoot for.

Now I didn’t think I was really that addicted to sugar or anything. I mean I can always just stop, and I don’t eat sugar that much anyway….or so I thought! I’m a total sugar/carb addict!!!!!! I made eggs this morning. I wanted to put syrup on them. (1st sign) As the day progressed, I could feel the cravings and urges come on. As I was cooking I realized how much I taste things and snack on things while I cook (this also includes the glass of wine..because how can you cook without a glass of wine!)

I realized that the worst time for me is between 4 and 5. That’s when the cravings were the worst. I found myself reaching for the nuts. Now I had already had my allotted serving of nuts today, but an additional 1 serving of nuts (cashews) would be much better than falling off the wagon on the first day and diving into a bag of chips! Now that I’m aware I have to figure out what I’m going to do when these cravings come on.

I was reading some articles and they all talked about addiction. Well yes I realize and admit that I do have a food addiction (which is specifically why I’m doing this program) and then I thought well heck….I quit smoking…that was addicting (and I didn’t think I was addicted). I made it through that cold turkey…I need to apply those same tactics to this addiction. Now here is the problem. I took up eating to compensate for smoking….let me rephrase that…I took up eating really bad things for me because “I deserved them” “I was stressed and it was okay” Well, I certainly don’t want to take up smoking again to replace the food. So what addiction can I now substitute for the food? Walking, exercising, tea, my lemon/lime/cucumber/mint water!!!!!!

People don’t realize how hard it is to be me sometimes!