Well the last week has been quite the ride.  I think it builds up.  They said it wouldn’t.  They don’t know shit.

Day of Chemo was fine.  And the day after was okay.  But the next day.  Geeze! I have been dragging for the last few days.  And I got this really cool side effect that my entire body hurts to touch it.  Not a muscle or a bone thing, literally every thing just hurts to the touch.  So that made sleeping pretty non existent for a few nights.  It’s slowly getting better but it has not been a fun run this time around.  Nausea has been at an all time high this week as well.  Bland things are my friend. The only downfall is my taste buds have changed and there are some things that just don’t even sound good.  So to get anything that remotely is eatable is a good thing.  I do manage to eat salads for lunch so that hasn’t changed and it’s still working for me.  Fruit is still my friend.  So I am all about apples and grapes right now. And peanut butter.  Still love me some peanut butter!  I’m hoping that once this next round starts I can get into the habit of eating a little better.  Right now they told me my focus is on just eating anything that will stay down.  Which is great, but I feel like I need to figure something out.  I keep getting told that right now calories are more important than anything.  Okay fine.  Am I eating things I’m not supposed to.  Yep. sure am.  When I talked to the dr and dietitian they told me not to worry about it….as long as I was eating good things too it’s fine.  There will be time to worry more about my diet after chemo ends.

I started reading this book “Anti Cancer – A new way of life” by David Servan-Schreiber.  The plan is to read this by the time I start my next round of chemo and go balls to the wall fight mode.  I’m kind of starting to get a little tired of all this being sick and tired thing.  I would like to get back to living my life again.  But I do realize that I’m on this path for a reason.  And I believe that reason may just be to teach me to stop stressing and learn to take care of myself and just relax and enjoy life.  I was looking back at the last 30 some years….I’ve been high strung, stressed, worried about everything and anything.  I mean you can’t stay like that at all.  So as I sit here during the day and read and chill out and piddle around the house feeling completely useless, I’m also being taught a lesson.  And I have to allow myself to do this.  It’s okay.  And in the end I’m going to enjoy everything around me and not stress any more about things around me.  Things are going to be as they are and no amount of stress or worry is going to change that outcome.  So I’m using this time to reflect.