I have to say this has been the worst surgery I’ve ever had. Took off the dressings yesterday and I was not really prepared for that. I researched and looked at pictures and the whole nine yards to prepare myself for that and its completely different when it’s on your body. So that was a pretty traumatic experience so far. Still in kind of a fog from the pain meds. Pretty much down to 1 every 4 hours. Today I’m going to try to stretch it a little more. Most of the pain is in my left armpit where they took out lymph nodes.  Then the left chest area where they took out the tumor.  My right side isn’t too bad.  I wouldn’t describe my right side as painful…just an annoyance.  Still not eating the full range of foods yet.  Sticking with the basics…turkey sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, crackers, jello and chicken broth.  Not really into food yet.

Not really into being social right now. I’m pretty content sitting here watching shows and sleeping. Pretty much staying off of Facebook because I don’t really care to read all the drama and hate in the world right now. This surgery has really tested my positive outlook on everything. This has been the hardest most emotional part of this fun little journey so far.  Emotionally I’m completely numb. I don’t know if it’s the meds or the fact that I just can’t deal with this right now.  Part of me is like….”This is no big deal….people go through this all the time…so what.”  The other part of me is completely devastated. I’m sure this will also be part of this whole healing thing. I can see how this could change a person.  I like to think this isn’t going to completely change me but it already has.  Hope I regain my sense of humor, because that would totally suck.

So the positives from  the last week….

1. I’ve watched season 4 of OTNB. Caught up on season 4 of Wenthworth. Watched season 1 of Mr. Robot. Halfway through season 2 of Gotham. Getting ready to watch Bloodline now….hopefully it’s decent.
2. I’ve lost about 10 pounds since surgery.  But like 5 of it was breast/tumor so not as worrisome as it sounds.
3. I made it through surgery and am here to talk and complain about it.
4. The world goes on even if the kitchen isn’t cleaned
5. Pete’s boss sent over a casserole.
6. Pete’s staff and co-workers sent me a goodie bag filled with some stuff and a card.
7. Erik and Ashley sent me some beautiful flowers
8. Pete picked me some beautiful flowers from the property
9. Cleo sleeps in the recliner next to me or is always close.  She’s been pretty good through this so far.
10. I continue to have support from people even if they really have no clue what to say to me right now.