Today I had support group.  It was a really good conversation.  Talked about after treatment is over…then what?  Most of the group agreed that we have become better people having gone though this. A lot of the conversation surrounded the “new normal.” I know I have been thinking a lot about how to more on and what happens afterwards. How do you pick up and start over. How do you find what your new normal is. How to deal with all the changes. In the beginning it’s overwhelming and hard to accept that your life will never be quite the same again. I know I went through a period of denial. I was going to be different than everyone else and I was going to just pick up where I left off and that was that.  Even through Chemo I figured okay so I lost my hair, it will grow back and then everything will be back to the way it was. Then I had surgery and it started to hit me.  Still not totally convinced. But somewhere along the line of sitting around for 9 weeks and going into the Surgeons office every week it finally hit me. I started thinking about the “No Evidence of Disease” and having to go to the drs every few months at first and then every year.  With that the cloud that looms over your head and wonder if you are going to have to go back into treatment.  I haven’t finished treatment yet, so things in my mind may change still.  But I’m starting to think about the future.  I suppose that is good considering in the beginning I didn’t think I had one at all.

So in looking at the future I went down to the navigators office and got these beauties…

Knitted Knockers.  Now I have posted the website for them on Facebook in the past. I wasn’t real sure about them I mean…come on…anything knitted is like grandma’s toilet paper roll covers.  But they work! It was very strange having any type of breast there. These are a C cup and they feel huge. So I can’t imagine what my DD/E’s were! Lord!  So you just put these in a bra and shape them in. You can’t tell the difference by looking at them at all.  I didn’t think I would be that excited about them. But I had my support camisole on so just put them in real quick to get an idea.  I mean I automatically stood up straighter. (As I sat in the Navigators office fondling my new boobs)  http://www.knittedknockers.org  I have to say it’s the first time I’ve felt “normal” in months.  I may get a few pairs in different sizes depending on my mood.

I wish I could knit better or crochet better.  Maybe I’ll start practicing and start making them. I’ll at least give it a try. (the pattern is on the knitted knockers website)