I’ve been seemingly doing absolutely nothing but binge watching food network this week. But in reality I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and figuring things out. A lot of self talk and some coming to reality conversations with myself.

Friday, Pete and I went out to dinner. I mean, Montana Club nothing over the top, but it was nice. Then we came home and played games and listened to music which was also fun. But it was noted that I am NOT a good loser at all. But when you are playing hangman and they guess your word and then just take down their word and don’t tell you what it is…well, that’s just rude! (StarWars…the word was Star Wars. Which in reality is 2 words so he should have been disqualified but, whatever.)

On Saturday the PlumTree Events team all went out for dinner and crafty stuff. We went to Mustard Seed. And I am so glad I did this. These ladies really keep me going. They are fun and I’m glad I have them. After we went over to some ceramic shop and painted things. That too was fun. They are WAY more creative than I am!!! I can’t wait to see their things! We talked about what type of events we want to do going forward. And everyone pretty much is on the same page.

Sunday we watched the World Cup and then Ashley’s (my DIL) friend Natalie was up this way so we met for lunch. It was good to see her again (we just saw them for thanksgiving) but to talk with her and just catch up was nice. It was so kind of her to reach out to me to meet up. It makes me so happy that they have such a wonderful group of friends.

Monday – Wednesday I watched a lot of Chopped and Love it or List it. I’ve also slowly been figuring out what I’m going to do with myself and my business. I have just gotten to the point where I know I’m going to have to every day (which I actually did today…sweated and everything!), get enough sleep, meditate and watch my portions. While I’m sitting around waiting I might as well come up with my own plan. Pete comes home with new information and studies he’s read. I act like I don’t want to hear it and dismiss it but I listen to him.

Oh and Monday was my birthday. I stayed off of social media so that was good and then Tuesday my rocking chair came in. I had no idea there were so many health benefits to a rocking chair. Go ahead, google health benefits of rocking chair.

I’ve had so many people sharing their infinite wisdom with me and things they have read. So I have to spend time weeding through everything and figure out what makes sense to me and then bring it to my Oncologist. I mean I get it that people are trying to help but maybe frame it as “Hey I saw this study and thought of you, when you get a chance, read through it and talk with your oncologist to see if it’s something that would be beneficial.” I’m going to take that much better than “I saw this and I do this and it can cure your cancer.” First people…my cancer can not be cured. I’m learning to live with it. Maybe I will be lucky and it will go into remission at some point for a bit. But it will always be there! If you found some bean or herb from the amazon that will cure cancer, I want to see the papers on it.

Here’s my take on this stuff. Placebo effect. If your mind thinks that something is working it will seem like it’s working for a period of time. To me this can only work so long before it stops working. I have yet to see definitive papers and studies that a lot of these “cure cancer” or “keep cancer away” remedies work. Although Pete came home with a study that said that something like 84% of people with stage 4 cancer who exercised lived longer than those who didn’t. Not exactly what I want to hear but, fine…I’ll do it. I mean I sometimes think this happened so I would finally. Take care of myself. THIS is how stubborn I am.

I do NOT like people throwing prayers at me. That is to make themselves feel better. My thought and prayers and message to you is: I appreciate you wanting to help, but maybe this is something that I need to go through and people around me need to go through to learn a specific lesson. So in terms you can understand it’s God’s will and you shouldn’t go against him or question His decisions. I’m not a religious person but I appreciate something that gives people strength and personal power, and if that is a Christian God for you then fantastic. I don’t really want to get into a whole theological discussion but, I would hope that people would also respect my beliefs when they open their mouth to me. Because honestly, it’s not about you and making you feel better. It’s about me and finding MY strength to get through this.