I tend to have this habit of always looking at the good in all people. Even people who may not, on the surface, seem like good people…somewhere in there there is always some compassion and good.  I was brought up this way by my grandmother. Even people who have done awful things in the past I have moved on to forgive them. For I don’t want to be bogged down with their negativity and unhappiness.  Over the last year this has kind of been something I’ve worked on. Letting go. Not letting the actions or words of others affect you. People can only hurt you if you let them. With this I have been leading a very tranquil stress free life.  Every day I am grateful and happy for those around me and for the things that surround me.  I am not a religious person in the aspect that I pray to a specific God.  I do not believe in organized religion, I find it unnecessary for me. I think for some people it is a wonderful thing that helps them.  I am of a more spiritual type of person. I look within myself and nature to find my strength and understanding to get me through and find answers. This works for me.  I spent my entire child hood going to a Catholic Church, I was baptized Episcopal. In the military I attended the Episcopal church to get back to my roots. So I have tried this and it is not something that works for me.

So being the very content happy and accepting of life as I know it, I thought I would reach out to someone that there was once a rough patch with.  I quickly found that not everyone is as forgiving and accepting as I am. I have to say I have never met someone with so much sadness and anger in their hearts over something that happened so many years ago. At first I was very upset. I lashed out at those around me that did not deserve it. The entire situation threw me off balance…I had lost my tranquil being. After talking to my rock in life, he explained to me that some people are just unhappy. They have not found a way to let go and enjoy life.  For some people everything has to be a competition, everything has to be an argument. That is not normal and it’s very dysfunctional.

I think I get so easily sucked back into this because for the most part I was brought up that everything was a fight. There always had to be a winner.  Someone was always right and someone was always wrong. There was always a struggle of power within the family.  It took me a very long time to realize that this was so damaging and so not the way it should be. The last 20 years I learned that husbands and wives should work together not compete against one another. That if there is a disagreement to discuss and come to a mutual resolution that both parties can accept. I have tried to raise my own son this way and I surly hope he understands

Yesterday my past who has not learned this got the better of me. It bothered me a lot last night. I upset some of the most treasured people in my life over it. I will take this as a learning experience that I have to be stronger with some people and can’t assume just because I have changed to see they have changed to see.  I can not be angry but I will be more cautious moving forward.