Tag Archive | #fuckcancer

The Difference No One Talks About

When people talk about cancer, the story almost always centers on survivorship. There’s a beginning, a middle, and an end. A diagnosis, a battle, and a victory. Survivors ring bells, declare themselves warriors who “beat cancer,” and step back into a version of normal life. Yes, there’s fear of recurrence. Yes, there ay be follow-up scans every six months or a year if something doesn’t feel right. Yes, there may be medications with side effects—but for most, those meds have a finish line, often five years down the road.

Stage IV is different.

There is no finish line. There is no “last day of treatment.” There is no bell to ring. Cancer doesn’t leave; it moves in. It’s not something you beat—it’s something you live with. Sometimes it quiets down, sometimes it flares up, but it is always there.

Stage IV means:

Infusions that don’t end. Scans more often. Constant blood work watching white blood cell counts and tumor markers. Stopping and starting meds because your body can’t handle it and the fear that everything will get out of control, and sometimes it does. Medications that are lifelong, not temporary. Radiation to stop growth on occasion. Exhaustion that never fully lifts. The knowledge that cancer is not a visitor that might come back—it already has.

For survivors, the narrative is one of triumph: “I fought and I won.” For those of us living with Stage IV, the narrative is different. It’s about endurance. Adaptation. Learning how to carry cancer alongside life, even when the load feels unbearable. Sometimes the disease wins ground. Sometimes it’s held in control. But it never leaves the room.

This isn’t about minimizing what early-stage survivors go through—their fight is real. But the lived reality of Stage IV is different. It’s not about beating cancer once and for all. It’s about learning to live fully while cancer stays.

When the Hand-Holding Stops: Stage IV and the Vanishing Act of Cancer Care

When you’re first diagnosed with cancer, the world seems to spring into motion.

Suddenly, you have a nurse navigator. Appointments are made for you. Your phone rings with check-ins. Social workers appear with clipboards full of resources. The medical team seems to hold your hand every step of the way, from scheduling to scans, with a tone of urgency and compassion that makes you feel like the center of the universe — because you are. You have cancer. And everyone is ready to fight.

But if you live long enough to make it to Stage IV?

The hand-holding stops.

And it’s honestly kind of shocking.

Stage IV: Still Cancer, Somehow Treated Like Less

Let me be clear: Stage IV cancer is not an upgrade. It’s not a different game. It’s the same disease, just farther along. It comes with more complexity, more side effects, more emotions, more coordination — not less.

And yet, once you hit that label — metastatic, incurable, palliative — you become invisible to the very system that once felt like a lifeline.

No more navigator.

No more automatic scheduling. (Except with the Medical Oncologist, they are good about making sure you have your next appointment before you leave)

No more urgency.

No more empathy on tap.

Instead, you’re expected to be a pro at this.

You’ve had cancer before, right? You know how this goes.

So figure it out. Make your own appointments. Call back if you don’t hear anything. Coordinate between specialists. Wait in silence while doctors go on vacation.

And while you’re at it, try not to panic about the words “the lesions are growing.”

It’s Not Just Poor Communication — It’s Emotional Neglect

The emotional whiplash of going from “you’re in a fight and we’re all in it with you” to “we’ll call you… maybe” is real. And cruel.

At Stage IV, we are living with a terminal illness. That means every delay matters. Every appointment not made is time we don’t get back. Every brush-off or dropped ball adds to our fear and frustration.

We’re not new to cancer, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still need help — if anything, we need more.

The System Isn’t Built for Survivors — and That’s the Problem

The cancer care system is designed to walk people through a beginning-middle-end journey. Get in, get treated, get cured. If that doesn’t happen — if your cancer spreads, comes back, or never goes away — the system just… kind of drops you.

There’s no roadmap. No guidance. No hand to hold.

You’re not “curable,” so you’re not the focus.

But what they forget is: You’re still living. Still feeling. Still here.

And deserving of care that reflects that.

What We Need

We don’t need sympathy. We need structure.

We don’t need platitudes. We need people who call us back.

We don’t need miracle cures sent by well-meaning friends.

We need systems that treat us like we matter — even when we can’t be “fixed.”

Stage IV patients deserve the same dignity, coordination, and compassion as anyone newly diagnosed. Maybe more.

Because we’re not just “managing cancer.”

We’re managing life, death, emotions, relationships, fatigue, insurance, fear — and still trying to be human through all of it.

If you’re in the Stage IV club — and I’m so sorry if you are — just know:

You’re not wrong for feeling abandoned.

You’re not crazy for needing more help.

And you’re not alone.

We may have to fight harder to be heard. But our voices matter.

Especially now.

Rebuilding!!

Went to the gym today. (I know 3 posts in one day…I just thought they should be all different posts rather than one big long one….the average human doesn’t have the attention span to read more than half a page). I usually get on the treadmill and walk. Yawn. Then I go stretch. Then I go home. Today I was prepared to do the same thing. I walked into the locker room to put my stuff in there and look up and this little kid is looking at me confused. Then asks his mom if I was a girl or a boy. The mother reassured him that only girls were allowed in this locker room. So. Yeah. My first reaction was to be very upset and want to cry and leave. Then I’m like…it’s a kid. You see a person with short hair and no boobs it’s kind of a fair question. So as I’m convincing myself to not take it personally and get very self conscience about my appearance (I mean I have just gotten the courage to go without the scarf on my head!) I get upstairs and look at the treadmill, then look at the elliptical machine. The old me used to do the elliptical and a beastly pace. Well today I decided to see how I would fare on that elliptical Machine. I started out slow. Used the one with the arm poles. I never used to use those, but I do them on the bike in therapy so why not. It was feeling pretty good at a slow pace. Started getting into the rhythm of the music and then after 5 minutes stepped it up. Still felt good. So I would do slow and then every 5 minutes do faster for a minute. It felt good to get my heart rate up and start to sweat a little bit. I thought LEVEL UP! So I’m feeling good enough to up the workout. So I do my 30 minutes on there and I’m leaving and then there is THE MACHINE. It’s a beast. I’m like let me just get on real quick to see what it feels like. Well I have a goal.

This bugger takes some coordination and is no joke! So I will do 30 minutes on this in the next few weeks!!!

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Radiation Explained.

I was going to start out with “I had radiation today” but then was like…duh, you have radiation every day! I was thinking about how they do it and started to freak out about frying my lungs and heart and stuff. Now I know they went over everything with me but they didn’t have pictures. So I went in today with all my questions. When you walk through to the treatment room you pass this console and it has your pictures on it. So I stopped and looked at the CT scan of my chest. There are all sorts of lines and things written all over it. So I finally asked them to explain how this works for real. So When they draw the lines on me it marks the area they are administering radiation…the line divides treatment into it two separate parts. I was thinking they were doing the whole area to the right of my dots over my chest in the back too. So the first zap is to the back under the arm to get to the backside of the lymph nodes. The second zap is to the front of the same spot to get the front of the lymph nodes. The third zap they change the machine and put a pad on my chest and move the machine in closer. This zap is the one that gets where the tumor was. It doesn’t go as deep but it concentrates with the help of the padding. So it doesn’t go deep enough to hit my lungs or heart. If it does it’s very minimal.

So here’s my awesome drawing to explain what they are doing for radiation. (I’m making a fist with my right hand there so back up off my hands!)

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Hooray for Boobies (part 2)

The last time I had this title I was announcing that my breasts were trying to kill me and I had Breast Cancer. Today, I’m celebrating the new ones I have. (and am getting) So I”m not just settling for one size any more! I want it all!!!!! I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m not going to have reconstructive surgery. I mean I don’t want to go under the knife again if I don’t HAVE to, and I hear the procedure is pretty painful. Considering I have a section where the tumor was very close to the wall the skin lays right on the bone, so it’s kinda thin and well kinda weird. I don’t know how well that would work and I’m not about to risk unnecessary complications. Besides no one is ever putting drain tubes in my chest again!! And ya’ll with your own breasts can’t just take them off at the end of the day when you get tired of them. AND You can’t change the size of them depending on your mood. So….

Yesterday I went in to get fitted for my prosthesis. To be honest I had no idea what to expect at all. I’ve never been in for an actual bra fitting before so I really didn’t know how that worked either. I mean when you go bra shopping you pick what you think looks right put it on determined to fit within certain numbers and be comfortable and look decent under clothes. So the first part of the fitting is determining what size breast you want. They measure you for band size first and then take a stab to start with a cup size that sounds good to you. WELL not only did I have no idea that you take your rib measurement and add 5 inches and fit to the last hook on the bra, but as the band number goes up the cup increases. In addition to this every bra manufacturer has different parameters. Ladies this is why we have such a hard time with this task…nothing is standard. And when you find a bra you love and know that it will be discontinued after a year or so, you start the pain all over again.

The other thing I found out is that different countries have different parameters as well. European bras cup sizes and band sizes are a little different. The company that I am getting my bras and prosthesis thorough is a German company. So I said lets start with a C cup because that’s what I was most comfortable with most of my life. (before I gained weight and hormones took over my breast size). I put on a C and I was like “The Germans like a woman with a nice ample breast don’t they!?!” I would put a German C cup at an American DD. Because those puppies were the size I had when they were removed! And no thank you…don’t want to do that. So after a lot of feeling myself up and having some strange woman feel me up for an hour I finally decided on a nice set.

For more on bra sizing and countries here’s an interesting link: Bra Size Comparisons.

They didn’t have an extra set of the size I got (7 for the curious mind which is about an American C). I had to leave with a little smaller size (6) which is fine…for the days I want to be a little more demure. But they are a silicone base and feel just like a real one. I’m sure I”ll name them once they come in. Now for those of you uber curious types here are pictures! Yay! pictures of boobies! There are 2 different kind the same size…hey these were free what do you want! I’ll take pictures of my “real” fake ones when they come in.

So as you can see they come in a nice little case. And they have a nice little formed bed to rest in. And they are squishy.

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ZAPPED!!!!

20160922_082725 Welcome to the last phase of treatment!! Yes I will be starting an additional anti hormone drug in November. But this will be the last treatment I have to physically go in and have something done to me over time. And to commemorate this I will be parking in front of the “Fire tree” in the garage. So Radiation! I have 32 sessions left after today. (33 in total) They never add and they will not release me early. Evidently there is this magic number of 33 they come up with that gives the best results with doing the least damage. If I miss one due to weather or because I need to take a break due to skin issues they tack those to the end. 20160922_101433

I did the math of the number of hours spent with Chemo and the number spent with Radiation…Chemo still wins with spending the most time there. Roughly 56 hours with chemo and 16.50 hours total for Radiation. I guess Radiation seems like more because its every day M-F for 33 days. But the sessions are only 15-30 minutes. Note these times include set up time. But anyway….

I went in and I put the very stylish hospital gown on. (just top half). I had to wait in the dressing room until they came to get me. 20160922_103122 Then I met my radiology team. There are 5 of them. I lay down on my back on the cool machine and they get me all lined up against all my awesome tattoos. They drew some lines on my chest. Evidently they will draw these lines every day. The theory is they come off in the shower…so they will know!!!! LOL Anyway, They took some pictures of my chest and finally zapped me. They do the top side and then the back side. So they radiate the entire area every day. Then they put this thing on my chest (not sure what it’s called yet…I’m sure I’ll learn more over the next few weeks). This pad on my chest is to force a concentration of radiation to the specific tissue where Cruella was. That was it. 20160922_105104

I asked if there was anything I needed to do or not do. Any special creams or whatever they needed to give me. I was told to just not put any lotion on my body like 3 hours before radiation treatment. Use all natural soaps and lotions and if I need to use deodorant on my left arm it should be natural (no aluminum). But they will give me things as I need them as things come up. There is nothing they can give me to prevent skin issues, but there are things I should not use to keep skin issues from happening. We’ll see how any side effects (if any) come about. Would be nice if I get out of this without any. So far I’m a little tired today and I had some water and it tasted like metal. Could be completely unrelated but I’ll keep an eye on it.

So this is my thing for the next month and a half. Whoo Hoo.

In other news I had PT and it’s going to be real important to massage my arms and chest area and lymphatic massage. Radiation will tighten things up so I need to really take care of that area and my skin. They sent over the prescription for my sleeve and glove today. If the glove makes my hand feel better I’ll get one for my right hand as well. I’ll only have to wear the sleeve and glove when I work out, any type of exercise or when it feels swollen. Hopefully it will stay that way and we can stay ahead of it. If it gets worse we will deal with it at that time.

Keeping up with trends

This week is quite the week. I meet with ALL the Doctors! (AND PT) Of course the song You Wanna Piece of Me runs through my head. But I’ve been noticing I am doing pretty good keeping up with the latest trend in everything. Seems all the cool kids are doing the breast cancer thing..so of course I have to be in on that.

So first up. Appointment with Dr. Evil. Also known as the surgeon. I just call him that because he put me in the most pain through all this. But he’s also the one that removed Cruella so I can’t really not like him…it’s all said with love. So went into see him and he told me to get out of his office for 6 months. So I’ve been released 100% (no more seromas….at least not enough to worry about). I do have to see him every 6 months for the next 5 years to check the chest wall and lymph nodes. Good times.

Next up. Medical Oncologist. Overall things are good. I wasn’t supposed to have blood work done today but we ended up doing some due to some issues that came up. Looks like my DEXA test came up that I have Osteopenia. I have never heard of this before. But it seems that it’s the step right before Osteoporosis. Most likely caused from the steroids during chemo and the Lupron. Not sure if I will be put on any type of meds to combat this but for now we add some calcium rich foods, supplements, Vitamin D and exercise. On it. I don’t know how trendy this is yet…but now that I’m doing it I’m sure it will be more popular in the upcoming years.

“Osteopenia refers to bone density that is lower than normal peak density but not low enough to be classified as osteoporosis. Bone density is a measurement of how dense and strong the bones are. If your bone density is low compared to normal peak density, you are said to have osteopenia. Having osteopenia means there is a greater risk that, as time passes, you may develop bone density that is very low compared to normal, known as osteoporosis.” …WebMD

Okay fantastic. So then I go back on October 17th for my Lupron shot. Yay…keep those nasty hormones shut off. I also got told that I’ll be starting Arimidex towards the end of radiation therapy…so beginning of November. This is an alternative to Tamoxifen. Just another medication to keep the hormones shut down. We REALLY REALLY need to shut of my hormones…this will help prevent any cancer (of the breast kind) from returning. We will see. Again…cool kids get Lupron and either Tamoxifen or Arimidex. Because Arimidex is newer…obviously way cooler. I get to do this for 5 years. (see a trend?)

Then I went to Physical Therapy. Good news my range is getting better. Bad news, got fitted for the lymphedema sleeve today. I’m going back tomorrow for another session and get the information to order my sleeve. It’s minor so hopefully we can keep it minor. She has me doing the regular stretching exercises but also the massage to keep my lymphatic system moving. So for years I would exercise and especially when I walked for a long time or hiked my hands would swell up. Seems my lymphatic system hasn’t been functioning very well before all this happened. So when they removed some of the lymph nodes it just put more strain on an already sucky system. What are ya going to do. I will even get a gauntlet…how cool does that sound? Hey this seems to be a life thing…so how lucky is that?

Let me just say…the fashion statement of the Fall is the compression sleeve…I mean Serena Williams is doing it…and who doesn’t want to be like Serena?

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Iconic – BITCH Get Off My Pole!

As I was sitting here the last few days I’ve realized all the things that have gone on the last few years. Two years ago on September 17th I had my hysterectomy. I have a whole theory about how this is what threw my body into a hormonal frenzy which brought me to where I am today…but I won’t go into that. I just remember at the time I thought that was like the worst surgery ever. I think I would trade it now. So I take that back.

THEN last year on September 17th I left for New York to visit my cousin. See NYC/Madonna 2015 Trip for details. I look back at some of the pictures and it was like they were telling me something… for instance:

20150918_125127 We were walking down the street and I just happened to pick out this picture and was drawn to it..so I took a picture thinking I may need to be reminded one day. Who knew that this was a message to myself in just a few short months. I mean between the staying behind to sell the house while the husband moved to Montana, to the finding of the lump just 2 months later and trying to convince myself that it was nothing. DENIAL!!!! I don’t think I was really denial, it was me trying to stay positive.

Then there was this beauty:

What the heck possessed me to take this picture in the first place? I mean again…walking through 20150918_142219 the park and of all the things to take a picture of…really? The cosmos trying to tell me something. Not typically the type of picture I would take. But at the time it struck me.

So then we go to the Madonna concert. of course I had been listening to the entire album months prior. I mean one must be able to sing at least 90% of the songs at the concert you are going to! But one song stuck out more that the rest for me. Little did I know it would end up being my theme song through everything that has happened the last year. So I ended up playing this song as I left Colorado after being there for 17 years. I played this as I entered Missoula, a place I had never been to but would end up calling home and a place my life would forever change. I played this to every Drs appointment, every chemo appointment, going to surgery and will play it through every radiation treatment. When I start to think I can’t get through something I play this to remind me to be Iconic.

Iconic – Madonna

[Intro – Mike Tyson:]
I’m the best the world has ever seen. (I’m the best ever!)
I’m somebody you’ll never forget cause I work hard and sweat in my tears. (Can’t be stopped!)
I’m never falling again and if I did, I’d come back

[Verse 1 – Madonna:]
If you try and fail, get up again
Destiny will choose you in the end
If you don’t make the choice
And you don’t use your voice
Someone else will speak for you instead
What you want is just within your reach
But you gotta practice what you preach
You pay with sweat and tears
And overcome your fears
Never let the fire inside you leave

[Chorus – Madonna:]
“I can’t”, “icon” – two letters apart
One step away from being lost in the dark
Just shine your light like a beautiful star
Show the world who you are, who you are

Yeah, there’s another part of you no one sees
There’s a burning fire that’s underneath
Baby, don’t you know you were meant to be
Born to be, meant to be

Iconic
Iconic
Ironic
Iconic

[Verse 3 – Madonna:]
Tell me I’m no good and I’ll be great
Say I have to fight and I can’t wait
Standing in the wings
A butterfly that stings
I will rise above cuz it’s my fate

[Chorus – Madonna:]
“I can’t”, “icon” – two letters apart
One step away from being lost in the dark
Just shine your light like a beautiful star
Show the world who you are, who you are

Yeah, there’s another part of you no one sees
There’s a burning fire that’s underneath
Baby, don’t you know you were meant to be
Born to be, meant to be

Iconic
Iconic
Ironic
Iconic

[Bridge – Madonna:]
Born to be a superstar, that’s exactly what you are
Born to be a superstar, that’s exactly what you are

[Verse 4 – Chance The Rapper:]
Alright
Firefly change when they catch ya
Wanna put ya in their net for their light glow
Yellow brick highway
Paparazzi piled up on the high road
They just turned the sun into an idol
They just want to see how high the sky go
Just to find how it feel to fall back
Madonna said I remind her of Michael
Steady blowin’ up my head
Blowin’ up my head
Put it on your wall
Put me in the school book
Put me in your laws
Put me in the desk
And in the synagogues
Firefly glow when they catch ya
Wanna catch ya when ya lights go dim
Wanna turn you to a letter in their logo
Wanna stick you in a jar with a pen
You an icon

[Chorus – Madonna:]
“I can’t”, “icon” – two letters apart
One step away from being lost in the dark
Just shine your light like a beautiful star
Show the world who you are, who you are

Yeah, there’s another part of you no one sees
There’s a burning fire that’s underneath
Baby, don’t you know you were meant to be
Born to be, meant to be

Iconic
Iconic
Ironic
Iconic

Iconic
Iconic
Ironic
Iconic

So in a sense the trip to NYC planned by my cousin was the preamble to my new life. It was one last hurrah before shit got real. And I will be forever grateful to him for doing all that for me. Even if he had no idea what it would all end up meaning.

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Oh and then I get all Holy Water (Bitch Get Off My Pole!)

Battle

Its’ amazing how you get a dose of normalcy and then something happens to remind you that you are still fighting. I have to keep reminding myself that I still have a long way to go here. I am getting stronger to be able to do radiation. I have no idea how that is going to affect me. From what I understand it may make me a bit tired, but nothing crazy. I’m starting to have the symptoms of someone who has sat around for a few months doing nothing. Oh yeah…I had. So there is a lot of muscle loss and loss of muscle control. In part due to the lack of movement but also with the lack of hormones in my body it’s causing other rather unpleasant side affects.

So as I sit here this morning all upset and feeling defeated I figure I can do one of two things. I can sit around and be defeated, whither away and cry and give in to Cruella’s overall plan to destroy me. Or get mad and totally be like “fuck this shit.” And kinda the way I am…guess which one we are going with. So put the battle gear back on (you aren’t done with it yet) and get your ass in there and do something. Plan of attack: 1. Diet. I have alread th-2 y started to eat better, but this just enforces it. 2. Exercise! I have been taking walks around the property every day, but warrior mode time. We are going to join the gym. My job from here on out is to gain strength both mentally and physically to be able to handle shit.

I talk a lot about the physical side, but mentally it comes and goes. This part of treatment is kind of sucking because I have days where I’m on top of my game and I feel “normal” and then other days I crash and burn and can’t remember anything. So welcome to limbo. 3. This is why I also decided to do this Sign Language course on line. I’m hoping it will help with the brain part of it. I also have this airplane game I play where you have to manage the incoming and outgoing aircraft without blowing anyone up. So it’s using reasoning and deduction skills. Oh that and this cooking game….where you have to take orders and get food out on time. I think it helps. Who knows!

I’m in the mood to RANT! RANT! RANT! but it turns into me just being a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! and I’m trying not to do that any more. See how long that lasts….

I just have to remember to put myself first still and not fall into other people’s drama.

Finding Inspiration

I just got back from my weekly poking at the drs. I’m down to 5ccs now…I mean really? We are going to truly ride this out til the very end aren’t we. Whatever. So I go back in 2 weeks. I’m starting to just accept that every week (now two) I’m going to get a needle stuck in my side to see how much fluid we extract. Might I say from some of the support boards I’ve been on other people have like major fluid…not this measly amount to deal with.

Anyhoo…I was reading through some blog posts of fun exciting people like myself who have taken this little journey or are currently taking it. I got to thinking about what my purpose is for even writing a blog. I started this as a way to keep my friends and family updated on my progress. Of course after the initial “I HAVE CANCER” everyone is interested everyone is concerned. Then as time goes on fewer and fewer people are engaged in your progress or what you are going through. I know someone who was diagnosed with breast cancer that told me once she was diagnosed she stopped reading my blog. Now, I was trying to understand that. And in part I do. But I am such the opposite. When I was diagnosed I joined a support group though the cancer center and then the on line boards which led me to a lot of different people blogging about their experience. The people I met in Chemo were more than inspiring and I learned so much about not only my cancer but other types of cancer. I joined a work out group for cancer patients where again listening to people’s stories inspired me and taught me event more. I listened to the struggles of other warriors out there and learned to appreciate my situation. I found comfort that other people were making it through the struggle. They were having bad days too. They weren’t always positive. They weren’t always negative. It made me feel that I wasn’t alone in this journey and that some of the things I was going through and feeling were okay. So now that my friends and family are pretty much over this journey…Many of them think that as soon as you get through a certain point it’s all okay. What I’m finding is that each step has it’s own struggles and it’s far from over. It’s a long process that I have stated before that not everyone has the stamina to hang in there with you.

So here I am in another limbo (lots of BAM! treatment….sit around and wait) I’m in Physical Therapy, still getting one stupid seroma drained just waiting until the day I can raise my arm over my head so I can start radiation. So again….if my readership is down why the heck am I still doing this? I think at this point it is first of all for me. It’s been helpful to get my thoughts down and go back and re-read where I was at what time. I also THINK my hope is to help someone who has gone through this. I hope that someone who has been diagnosed or is in some limbo stage where you are frustrated and losing hope that you will get to move on can see that there is a struggle to stay sane through the rough times. That everything must end at some point. And you will get to move on; not always when or how you want, but you will get to move on.

I know I have a long journey left, and a lot of story to share ahead. I’m starting to ponder the life after treatments and what the new normal will be like. Will I always live in fear? Will I finally accept living each day in the present? Will I gain my self confidence back? Will I lose a part of myself? What will I gain? What lessons will I truly take away from this experience? And I think, for me, a big part is knowing that my story is not the only story out there. There are others just like me who are asking these same questions. I want to find some of these people and learn how they dealt with each stage, each setback, what kept them going. I want to share how I dealt with each of these things as well to hopefully help someone along just like me.

So to those friends and family who still read this silly thing every now and then…thank you. For those who are going into war or in the war….I hope my posts can help in any way…and never be afraid to ask me questions if you have them. I have found that you may not win every battle, but as long as you win the war it’s all good.

Side story here: So when you have breast cancer by the time you go through Chemo and have surgery you are so over any bit of being discreet. The dr has interns that he brings in…”do you mind” and I’m like “nope…there are still a few people left in the hospital who haven’t gotten to touch my chest yet…so why not” And like I just take my shirt of before people leave the room….like seriously…nothing to see here…and like I said…so many people have looked and touched my chest the last year…who cares! LOL!