Tag Archive | masectomy

Hooray for Boobies (part 2)

Sep28

The last time I had this title I was announcing that my breasts were trying to kill me and I had Breast Cancer. Today, I’m celebrating the new ones I have. (and am getting)  So I”m not just settling for one size any more!  I want it all!!!!!  I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m not going to have reconstructive surgery. I mean I don’t want to go under the knife again if I don’t HAVE to, and I hear the procedure is pretty painful.  Considering I have a section where the tumor was very close to the wall the skin lays right on the bone, so it’s kinda thin and well kinda weird.  I don’t know how well that would work and I’m not about to risk unnecessary complications. Besides no one is ever putting drain tubes in my chest again!!  And ya’ll with your own breasts can’t just take them off at the end of the day when you get tired of them.  AND You can’t change the size of them depending on your mood.  So….

Yesterday I went in to get fitted for my prosthesis.  To be honest I had no idea what to expect at all. I’ve never been in for an actual bra fitting before so I really didn’t know how that worked either.  I mean when you go bra shopping you pick what you think looks right put it on determined to fit within certain numbers and be comfortable and look decent under clothes. So the first part of the fitting is determining what size breast you want.  They measure you for band size first and then take a stab to start with a cup size that sounds good to you. WELL not only did I have no idea that you take your rib measurement and add 5 inches and fit to the last hook on the bra, but as the band number goes up the cup increases.  In addition to this every bra manufacturer has different parameters. Ladies this is why we have such a hard time with this task…nothing is standard. And when you find a bra you love and know that it will be discontinued after a year or so, you start the pain all over again.

The other thing I found out is that different countries have different parameters as well. European bras cup sizes and band sizes are a little different.  The company that I am getting my bras and prosthesis thorough is a German company.  So I said lets start with a C cup because that’s what I was most comfortable with most of my life. (before I gained weight and hormones took over my breast size).  I put on a C and I was like “The Germans like a woman with a nice ample breast don’t they!?!”  I would put a German C cup at an American DD.  Because those puppies were the size I had when they were removed!  And no thank you…don’t want to do that.  So after a lot of feeling myself up and having some strange woman feel me up for an hour I finally decided on a nice set.

For more on bra sizing and countries here’s an interesting link:  Bra Size Comparisons.

They didn’t have an extra set of the size I got (7 for the curious mind which is about an American C). I had to leave with a little smaller size (6) which is fine…for the days I want to be a little more demure. But they are a silicone base and feel just like a real one.  I’m sure I”ll name them once they come in.  Now for those of you uber curious types here are pictures!  Yay! pictures of boobies!  There are 2 different kind the same size…hey these were free what do you want!  I’ll take pictures of my “real” fake ones when they come in.

So as you can see they come in a nice little case. And they have a nice little formed bed to rest in. And they are squishy.

Keeping up with trends

Sep21

This week is quite the week.  I meet with ALL the Doctors! (AND PT) Of course the song You Wanna Piece of Me runs through my head. But I’ve been noticing I am doing pretty good keeping up with the latest trend in everything. Seems all the cool kids are doing the breast cancer thing..so of course I have to be in on that.

So first up. Appointment with Dr. Evil. Also known as the surgeon. I just call him that because he put me in the most pain through all this. But he’s also the one that removed Cruella so I can’t really not like him…it’s all said with love.  So went into see him and he told me to get out of his office for 6 months.  So I’ve been released 100% (no more seromas….at least not enough to worry about).  I do have to see him every 6 months for the next 5 years to check the chest wall and lymph nodes. Good times.

Next up. Medical Oncologist. Overall things are good.  I wasn’t supposed to have blood work done today but we ended up doing some due to some issues that came up. Looks like my DEXA test came up that I have Osteopenia. I have never heard of this before. But it seems that it’s the step right before Osteoporosis. Most likely caused from the steroids during chemo and the Lupron. Not sure if I will be put on any type of meds to combat this but for now we add some calcium rich foods, supplements, Vitamin D and exercise.  On it. I don’t know how trendy this is yet…but now that I’m doing it I’m sure it will be more popular in the upcoming years.

“Osteopenia refers to bone density that is lower than normal peak density but not low enough to be classified as osteoporosis. Bone density is a measurement of how dense and strong the bones are. If your bone density is low compared to normal peak density, you are said to have osteopenia. Having osteopenia means there is a greater risk that, as time passes, you may develop bone density that is very low compared to normal, known as osteoporosis.” …WebMD

Okay fantastic. So then I go back on October 17th for my Lupron shot. Yay…keep those nasty hormones shut off.  I also got told that I’ll be starting Arimidex towards the end of radiation therapy…so beginning of November.  This is an alternative to Tamoxifen. Just another medication to keep the hormones shut down.  We REALLY REALLY need to shut of my hormones…this will help prevent any cancer (of the breast kind) from returning. We will see. Again…cool kids get Lupron and either Tamoxifen or Arimidex. Because Arimidex is newer…obviously way cooler.  I get to do this for 5 years. (see a trend?)

Then I went to Physical Therapy. Good news my range is getting better. Bad news, got fitted for the lymphedema sleeve today. I’m going back tomorrow for another session and get the information to order my sleeve. It’s minor so hopefully we can keep it minor.  She has me doing the regular stretching exercises but also the massage to keep my lymphatic system moving. So for years I would exercise and especially when I walked for a long time or hiked my hands would swell up. Seems my lymphatic system hasn’t been functioning very well before all this happened.  So when they removed some of the lymph nodes it just put more strain on an already sucky system. What are ya going to do. I will even get a gauntlet…how cool does that sound?  Hey this seems to be a life thing…so how lucky is that?

Let me just say…the fashion statement of the Fall is the compression sleeve…I mean Serena Williams is doing it…and who doesn’t want to be like Serena?

serenawilliams2016openday6xbp6ry6pawul

 

 

Scan Day!

Sep16

Yesterday I got all the calls for the round of procedures today. I was okay until I got off the phone with the CT scan nurse. Then I was looking at my calendar to make sure I had all my times right.  And it started to hit me.  What if the scan doesn’t come back clear? That’s going to really suck ass. So, try not to think about it.

Woke up early, got to the hospital at 8:00 for my Radiation Oncology evaluation.  This is my parking spot over in the cancer center20160916_110418

They did a Chest CT without contrast for planning. They put some wire strips on the area where the tumor and lymph nodes were removed.  They ran me through the machine a few times and then came out and drew some lines on my chest and shoulder. I guess they have to make sure they are able to get me in the exact same position for each session. I then got 5 small tattoo dots. Four on my left side where they can line up the area they are going to administer the radiation, and then one on my right side to make sure everything lines up correctly overall.  I’ll go back on Thursday for the first run through and then we will set up all my appointments.  I’ll be going Monday – Friday for 33 sessions.  This roughly puts me into the second week of November should I not have to delay due to burns and blistering. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.20160916_093943

I then had an hour and a half til my CT scan with contrast. This is the one that will show if there is any cancer left.  So I go in, they put in an IV (boy do I miss my port) Then we go in and do the scan.  I don’t think I’m too crazy about that contrast. But for this one they do some run throughs and then then administer the contrast, you feel this warm fuzzy feeling (not the good kind!) and then hold your breath.  Do that twice and done.  So I like it better than the MRI for sure…20160916_115822

After this I go over to the bone scan DEXA scan.  You just lay on the table and this arm goes over you.  That’s it.  Nothing too exciting.  BUT…The tech asks me if I have something around my waist band or if something was inserted into me during surgery.  I go over and look at the picture and say “Scar tissue maybe?” “Ahhhh…that’s what that is.” Yep. I’m totally thinking I could do her job.20160916_122343

So done. I had to go to the store to get something to eat since I hadn’t been able to do that all day. (Thank you CT scan with contrast).  So I went to the grocery store and picked up something (crackers, green juice and a Quest bar).  Then I went over to the gym and did my walk. I actually jogged a bit today…not a lot, just wanted to see what it felt like.  Stretched out and did some sit ups.  I go back to the locker room and get out my gym bag which I have had for at least 12 years and just realized…I blame the bag!!!  Anyhoo…20160916_142602

I get dressed and check my email. CT results are in.

FINDINGS:
Vague interstitial opacity left upper lobe is stable. 3 on the 3 mm nodule
right upper lobe stable. 2 mm nodule right middle lobe stable. No new
parenchymal nodules are noted.

The patient has undergone bilateral mastectomy and left axillary node
dissection. No residual masses are identified in the left axillary region.
There isn’t any pathologic mediastinal or hilar lymphadenopathy. No pleural
abnormalities are noted. The adrenals are normal sized bilaterally.

What does this mean?  NO CANCER BITCHES!!!!!!!

NOW WE REBUILD!!!!

BETTER!

FASTER!

STRONGER!

I’m trying to decide when warrior mode stops and if the next phase is that rebuilding phase…I guess if we are getting technical we are in clean up mode after the war…But I think I can start rebuilding while we do clean up.

I’m trying to let this sink in that I beat cancer.

superpower

(Yes I know there is always a chance it could come back…that there may always be a cloud over my head, but right now…I’m just going to ride the rainbow here!)

Battle

Sep11

Its’ amazing how you get a dose of normalcy and then something happens to remind you that you are still fighting.  I have to keep reminding myself that I still have a long way to go here. I am getting stronger to be able to do radiation. I have no idea how that is going to affect me. From what I understand it may make me a bit tired, but nothing crazy. I’m starting to have the symptoms of someone who has sat around for a few months doing nothing.  Oh yeah…I had. So there is a lot of muscle loss and loss of muscle control. In part due to the lack of movement but also with the lack of hormones in my body it’s causing other rather unpleasant side affects.

So as I sit here this morning all upset and feeling defeated I figure I can do one of two things. I can sit around and be defeated, whither away and cry and give in to Cruella’s overall plan to destroy me. Or get mad and totally be like “fuck this shit.”  And kinda the way I am…guess which one we are going with.  So put the battle gear back on (you aren’t done with it yet) and get your ass in there and do something. Plan of attack: 1. Diet. I have alreadth-2y started to eat better, but this just enforces it. 2. Exercise! I have been taking walks around the property every day, but warrior mode time.  We are going to join the gym. My job from here on out is to gain strength both mentally and physically to be able to handle shit.

I talk a lot about the physical side, but mentally it comes and goes.  This part of treatment is kind of sucking because I have days where I’m on top of my game and I feel “normal” and then other days I crash and burn and can’t remember anything. So welcome to limbo. 3. This is why I also decided to do this Sign Language course on line. I’m hoping it will help with the brain part of it.  I also have this airplane game I play where you have to manage the incoming and outgoing aircraft without blowing anyone up.  So it’s using reasoning and deduction skills. Oh that and this cooking game….where you have to take orders and get food out on time. I think it helps.  Who knows!

I’m in the mood to RANT! RANT! RANT! but it turns into me just being a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! and I’m trying not to do that any more.  See how long that lasts….

I just have to remember to put myself first still and not fall into other people’s drama.

Finding Inspiration

Sep6

I just got back from my weekly poking at the drs. I’m down to 5ccs now…I mean really? We are going to truly ride this out til the very end aren’t we. Whatever. So I go back in 2 weeks.  I’m starting to just accept that every week (now two) I’m going to get a needle stuck in my side to see how much fluid we extract.  Might I say from some of the support boards I’ve been on other people have like major fluid…not this measly amount to deal with.

Anyhoo…I was reading through some blog posts of fun exciting people like myself who have taken this little journey or are currently taking it.  I got to thinking about what my purpose is for even writing a blog. I started this as a way to keep my friends and family updated on my progress.  Of course after the initial “I HAVE CANCER” everyone is interested everyone is concerned.  Then as time goes on fewer and fewer people are engaged in your progress or what you are going through.  I know someone who was diagnosed with breast cancer that told me once she was diagnosed she stopped reading my blog.  Now, I was trying to understand that.  And in part I do. But I am such the opposite. When I was diagnosed I joined a support group though the cancer center and then the on line boards which led me to a lot of different people blogging about their experience. The people I met in Chemo were more than inspiring and I learned so much about not only my cancer but other types of cancer.  I joined a work out group for cancer patients where again listening to people’s stories inspired me and taught me event more. I listened to the struggles of other warriors out there and learned to appreciate my situation. I found comfort that other people were making it through the struggle. They were having bad days too. They weren’t always positive.  They weren’t always negative.  It made me feel that I wasn’t alone in this journey and that some of the things I was going through and feeling were okay.  So now that my friends and family are pretty much over this journey…Many of them think that as soon as you get through a certain point it’s all okay. What I’m finding is that each step has it’s own struggles and it’s far from over.  It’s a long process that I have stated before that not everyone has the stamina to hang in there with you.

So here I am in another limbo (lots of BAM! treatment….sit around and wait) I’m in Physical Therapy, still getting one stupid seroma drained just waiting until the day I can raise my arm over my head so I can start radiation.  So again….if my readership is down why the heck am I still doing this?  I think at this point it is first of all for me.  It’s been helpful to get my thoughts down and go back and re-read where I was at what time. I also THINK my hope is to help someone who has gone through this.  I hope that someone who has been diagnosed or is in some limbo stage where you are frustrated and losing hope that you will get to move on can see that there is a struggle to stay sane through the rough times. That everything must end at some point.  And you will get to move on; not always when or how you want, but you will get to move on.

I know I have a long journey left, and a lot of story to share ahead.  I’m starting to ponder the life after treatments and what the new normal will be like.  Will I always live in fear? Will I finally accept living each day in the present? Will I gain my self confidence back? Will I lose a part of myself? What will I gain?  What lessons will I truly take away from this experience?  And I think, for me, a big part is knowing that my story is not the only story out there.  There are others just like me who are asking these same questions.  I want to find some of these people and learn how they dealt with each stage, each setback, what kept them going. I want to share how I dealt with each of these things as well to hopefully help someone along just like me.

So to those friends and family who still read this silly thing every now and then…thank you.  For those who are going into war or in the war….I hope my posts can help in any way…and never be afraid to ask me questions if you have them.  I have found that you may not win every battle, but as long as you win the war it’s all good.

Side story here:  So when you have breast cancer by the time you go through Chemo and have surgery you are so over any bit of being discreet.  The dr has interns that he brings in…”do you mind” and I’m like “nope…there are still a few people left in the hospital who haven’t gotten to touch my chest yet…so why not”  And like I just take my shirt of before people leave the room….like seriously…nothing to see here…and like I said…so many people have looked and touched my chest the last year…who cares! LOL!

 

Patience

Aug19

Evidently this part of this awesome little journey is patience.  Because the whole selling of the house by myself for 3 months wasn’t quite enough.  Okay, so patience on a different level. Or maybe the Universe though I forgot and I’m getting a refresher. OR the Universe is letting me know that I’m not in control of this.  Fine whatever.  The whole reason I went in today was because the Dr. wasn’t going to be here this week.  I specifically asked if there was little to no fluid could the other Dr. make the call.  I was told yes. This is the ONLY reason we scheduled with another dr (the one who put in my port). We wanted to keep everything on schedule.  So I go in, she didn’t want to drain anything because there wasn’t enough to drain. SHE would have had me start PT like 3 weeks ago.  BUT we have to wait for my Dr. to come back which won’t be until the 30th. She did try to drain out of one side and got some fluid. But the side where the tumor was she couldn’t get anything. And again I almost passed out because yes I may not have any feeling on the surface of my skin but you go far enough in and it hurts like a bitch. Seriously.  So I have to sit and wait until the 30th to see if I can finally start PT.  Whatever.  I ask if there are any exercises I can do that don’t affect the area we are being concerned about. I get told no. I only ask because I’m having a lot of back problems now because of all this. The nurse then goes. “Did you see a chiropractor?” I just deadpan looked at her face and said “Really?” “I can’t do any type of exercises with my upper body, can’t lay on my side and stomach and you somehow think getting adjusted by a chiropractor isn’t going to upset the balance of the universe.” I was like whatever. The other nurse said we will keep this appointment but if something comes open where they can squeeze me in before then we will. At least he is trying.  Bitch is lucky she wasn’t sitting closer to me I would have kicked her.  We leave and I’m all upset.  I threw my appt sheet away.  I’m so over it.

I totally had my hissy fit for about 30 minutes.  I’m pretty much over it now. I mean okay, it is what it is. We are being careful and don’t want to create any problems down the road. I get that. Eventually I’ll start PT and it won’t take long for me to get my range of motion back so I can start Radiation. The whole thing is I want to get radiation in before it starts to snow since I have to drive in every single day. That’s the real reason I’m pushing to get this done. I feel like I have a time limit. I don’t.  The fact is I’m just kind of over this whole situation and would like to move on…that’s even more why I want this to start now.  I will go down the way it goes down.  I’ll go though treatments when it’s time for me to do so.  It will end when it’s supposed to. I just need to relax, chill out and accept that it is the way it is. “you don’t have to like the rules, but you have to accept them”  FINE!

So I’m lining up the books I can read over the next week or two. That should keep me distracted.  What’s another couple weeks.  Let’s hope my body can start absorbing some fluid!!