Tag Archive | radiology

Radiation Sessions: Getting the Authorities Involved

Aug26

Radiation sessions for this crazy party are officially complete. I like to think they made an example out of this group—showing the others that we’re not putting up with any nonsense.

In case you missed: I think of every lesion and tumor as a party. The party in my hip got a bit out of hand and needed the authorities to come in and get it back under control.

The rad tech asked me if I was excited to be done. I told her, “I don’t get excited anymore because there’s always something else.” That’s the reality—this is my life now. And honestly, I’m glad she doesn’t understand that. Hopefully, she never will.

As I walked out of the dressing room, rocking the ever-fashionable patterned house dress, I noticed a woman sitting there. She had clearly been through chemo and was finishing her radiation. But what struck me most was the fear on her face.

Being me, I sat down and asked, “What are you in for?”

“Breast cancer,” she said. Stage 2.

She told me how it feels like it will never end, how she’s starting meds next week, and how heavy the fear sits on her. I could feel it radiating off her—stress, anxiety, uncertainty. And I remembered exactly what that felt like in the beginning. When everything is new. Unknown. Terrifying.

I listened. I empathized. And I tried, in whatever small way, to reassure her. Maybe my outlook helped her feel just a little less alone in that moment.

Later, as I got into my car, I noticed her still sitting in hers. I walked over, gave her my number, and told her if she ever needs someone to vent to, I’m here.

I feel so deeply for the newer cancer people. It’s such a frightening start—you can’t help but think your life is over, that death is waiting just around the corner. But with time, with knowledge, with experience… the fear softens. The unknown becomes manageable. And slowly, you start to breathe again. But it never goes away…ever.

Yes, this is my reality: the parties keep coming. But I’ve learned how to walk in, take a seat, and own the damn room—even when the authorities have to step in.

Yay, Radiation!

Aug16

It’s been nine years since I last had the pleasure of being zapped. Back then, after chemo and surgery, I endured 33 sessions of radiation to my left chest. It didn’t hurt, but the fatigue was overwhelming. And boy did it tear up the skin on my chest.

Fast forward to today: I just completed the first of five sessions. This time it’s stronger radiation, and it’s aimed directly at the bone. If you’ve ever experienced bone pain, you know—it’s no joke.

What Radiation Looks Like Now

Here’s the routine: I lie on a custom mold they made of me during the prep session. It’s surprisingly comfortable, designed to contour my body so I stay perfectly still. The team lines me up, takes a quick CT scan to ensure accuracy, and then delivers the zap. The setup takes longer than the treatment itself, which lasts only 5–10 minutes.

But here’s the difference: radiation for stage IV doesn’t just cause fatigue—it knocks you out much faster. The body treats it like an attack, triggering inflammation and stirring up all the other lesions. Suddenly, everything is on high alert, and my whole system feels like it’s in battle mode.

Thankfully, oxycodone helps take the edge off, because I honestly can’t imagine what this would feel like without it.

The Plan Ahead

For now, I get to rest for a couple of days and (hopefully) regain some energy. Next week, I’ll go in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, with the final session scheduled for the following Tuesday. The treatment itself doesn’t hurt, but the aftermath—the deep bone pain and crushing fatigue—certainly does.

The doctors say the pain and exhaustion could linger for up to four weeks. After that, more scans will tell us whether the radiation did its job. In the meantime, I balance rest with gentle movement to keep the blood flowing.

The Bell That isn’t Mine

In many treatment centers, there’s a bell patients ring when they’ve completed active treatment. It symbolizes the end of a difficult chapter and the start of a new one. But for those of us living with stage IV, there is no “end of treatment.” The bell isn’t meant for us.

Today, I rang it anyway. I told the receptionist that I would never get to ring the bell officially. The receptionist clapped and told me I could ring it anytime I want. That small moment stuck with me—because why shouldn’t I celebrate my milestones, even if my path looks different?

So I’ve decided to start a charm bracelet. One charm for every procedure I’ve had over the last ten years, and new ones for whatever lies ahead. My own way of marking the journey.

Moving Forward

This weekend, my focus is simple: rest, restore, and gather strength for the next round. Radiation may be tough, but I’m tougher—and I’m finding my own ways to honor the path I’m on.

Because I’m Fabulous!

Nov2

I met with my Medical Oncologist today.  I’m going to start on Aromasin (Exemestane) on Monday.  I take the Lupron shots every 6 months. This shot shuts my ovaries down so I don’t produce any estrogen. The adrenal glands still produce hormones so the Aromasin will stop this production of estrogen. This should ensure that this cancer that is estrogen driven can’t redevelop or do anything. I will be on these two medications for the next 10 years.  So the Lupron forces me into menopause.  Because there is no test to see when exactly my body will go into menopause for real, they are doing 10 years….by that time my body should have hit the natural menopause state. Interesting stuff right?  Now the Aromasin is a bit on the harsh side. Most people get put on Tamoxifen which has fewer side effects but isn’t as effective for my type of cancer. But if I can’t tolerate the Aromasin I’ll get switched over to the Tamoxifen.  If I can tolerate the Aromasin I may end up getting my ovaries removed so I don’t have to do the Lupron shot anymore. That would be one less medication to take. We’ll see how it goes. (just like Christmas…going to be quite the surprise!)

We are also stopping my Ativan (Lorazepam) for insomnia since it has seemed to stop working. We are going to change it up and going to Desyrel (Trazodone) we’ll see how that works out for me.  It’s supposed to not only help me sleep at night but help with any mood swings due to all the lack of hormones in my body. We’ll see how that works out. YAY Drugs!

At this appointment, my oncologist tells me now that I’m pretty much done with treatment that not everyone who goes through the rigorous aggressive course of treatfabment I took makes it.  I honestly didn’t know how to take that?  I mean that’s kinda scary. I have to think she meant that they had to break the treatment up some or change chemo drugs. Go me. Wow. Oh. I honestly have no idea how to react to that.  Just glad I didn’t know the odds before hand.
She checked out the lumps that have been bugging me the last few weeks.  I developed some bb sized lumps in my chest so when I found them a few weeks back my heart just sunk. She said they were probably nothing but we would keep an eye on them. The odds of any cancer developing at this point is about impossible.  But again, we would check them to see if they have changed in 6 weeks when I go back.

After this appointment, I went to Support Group.  Lately, I can only stay for the first 1/2 hour since I have to go to radiation.  Well, there is a new member. She had been diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer 12 years ago. She had a lumpectomy and was good.  A few months ago it came back as metastatic breast cancer – Stage IV. My heart just hurts for her. She was so strong to come to support group and to announce that you have Stage IV cancer has to be just one of the hardest things in the world to do. I just wanted to hug her. While not curable, it is treatable. She’ll go on an oral chemo to keep it under control…..And I was just sitting there freaking out that this new medication said that I could lose my hair.  So I’m no longer freaking out about the possibility of losing my hair again or have it thin. This is why they make wigs.  So be it if it happens. Again something brought me down to the reality of the whole situation and to just be thankful to be alive. I also thought: I’m sure glad I made the decision to have a double mastectomy vs. just the single.  I mean they said that the odds of it coming back in another breast were slim to none. I was like yeah, it was a slim to none chance I got it in the first place so….I’d rather go through this once then have to go through it twice. But hey..there is no guarantee something else won’t develop down the line.  So I think I’ll just enjoy the time I have here and deal with whatever comes when it does.

Then I went to radiation. #30 #2 of the booster. 3 more left.  I’ve resorted to gang signs in the count-down.  But the chest is looking pretty bad ass at this point.  It’s getting quite impressive. Met with the Radiology Oncologist.  I told her about the bb sized lumps and she checked them out and said it was just scar tissue and effects to the tissue from radiation. Nothing to worry about. But again she said that we would keep an eye on it over time when we did CT scans.  Because you know I get to do those every 6 months now. So if anything develops from here on out we will catch it pretty quick. But she wants to see me again on Friday to check the status of my skin to see if we will do the last radiation treatment on Monday or just end it on Friday.  They are pretty impressed that I haven’t had to take a break with radiation. Most people have to take a few weeks off about half way through. It’s because I’m just that fucking amazing….really.

Now I’m not usually the type of person that boasts about myself…I’m actually very modest….even though I joke a lot about the whole Fabulous thing. But you know I think for this I’m going to make an exception.  Don’t worry…I won’t let it get to my head and I’ll only do it for a few days. :)

Oh. The downside of all this anti-hormone nonsense….my drinking days are pretty much over. I suppose it’s okay. I had a good run. And any more when I have wine or beer I feel like crap after just 1…so be it.

 

Bring it.

Nov1

After 28 full radiation sessions which consisted of the lymph nodes and the entire left chest area, the last 5 are right to the scar and that’s it.  So there is a new cut out and new positions for this. The cut out is the shape of my scar and they put it down real close with a barrier between the machine and my skin. Then ZAP! So 29 down, 4 to go.

I’m kinda glad we are done with under my armpit for the lymph nodes because it’s really kinda gnarly looking at this point.  And yes it hurts like a motherfucker.  So I just have to keep my scar area from getting all blistery and shit, and I’m home free.

Tomorrow I see both my Medical and Radiology oncologists.  So the Medical oncologist is first…we are going to put me on some more medications to help stop hormones.  Really? Because I’m such a joy and a half already. It will be interesting to see what side effects I get from that one.  It’s like Christmas….you just never know what gift lies ahead with all these treatments.  And then with Radiology she is going to look at my skin to see if we end Friday or Monday.  And to let me know when my follow-up appointment with her is.  Because you know they don’t just drop you…oh no…you are in it for life.   At least I will only have to go in every 6 months to see everyone.

I didn’t go to the gym yesterday and I didn’t go today.  There’s a 90% chance I won’t go tomorrow either.  I’m sticking to stretching and keeping it low until my skin heals under my arm and chest.  I tried to work out without moving my arm, but you see then there is this sweat thing that happens and boy does that not feel good.  So laying low for a week isn’t going to kill me.  Nothing is really working out as I planned…but I should be used to it by now. Oh and since I didn’t get to partake in Halloween candy yesterday I got a bite-sized peanut butter cup from the Chemo Lab (Because it’s the day after a holiday and they always have candy in there!)  Then I stopped at the Drugstore to get some aloe. (LOL….yeah..lame drug store…) and ended up getting 5 tiny tootsie rolls, 5 Hershey’s kisses and a tootsie pop (cherry).  I think that’s way better than my plan to stop by Dairy Queen for a Blizzard (and get sick from it)

I’ve also come to the point where my positivity has evolved.  I used to be all “I got this!” “Gooooooo me!” “WARRIOR!”  “FIGHT CANCER AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!”  “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH”  Yeah, whatever.  Now I’m like “eh…whatever happens happens and I’m just going to stay on my own mat.”  It seems of all the treatments radiation is the one to wear me down and be all like…fuck it….doesn’t matter.  Now don’t get me wrong…don’t take my lack of enthusiasm for giving up or not being strong.  I now just wait to see what is thrown at me and with a deep sigh under my breath “bring it.”

The Home Stretch

Oct30

stretch

Tomorrow is the last full dose of radiation treatment. It’s the last one to my lymph nodes. The remaining 5 are boosts to the tumor site. I’ve been very emotional the last week over all this. I mean I’m ecstatic that I’m down to the end. I’m excited about rebuilding myself both physically and mentally. But at the same time, I’m scared to death of what comes next. The possibility of it all coming back. The being alone again. All the cheerleaders have stopped. All the support ceases. You have beat cancer and now you must pick up all your pieces and start over and figure out what to do with them all.

People have been very interesting through this journey. From the people who dissapear because they don’t know what to say, to the people who you are just like…shut up while you can still save yourself. I get it, unless you have been through it it’s a crap shoot. Unless you really know the person you really don’t know what to say.  I have one relative who from day one has been there. He was at a lost at first and we talked about it. But he knows me so he knew what he could and shouldn’t say. He knew for the most part to just talk to me like a person and update me on what is going on. Talk about the same things we have always talked about. He’s one of the only people who realized I was still me.  And he would ask me questions about the cancer. He wanted to understand and know everything. Now I had a few close friends who have been the same way, and I appreciate these people more than they will ever know.

Now I have had conversations with people who just don’t get it. They don’t know the facts, they don’t want to know the facts, they have no concept of this journey, and they don’t want to know about it. They assume they know. Knowing someone who has had cancer or having a relative or friend who is in the industry in some way shape or form does not make you the expert on it.  I mean my husband is a pathology supervisor. He diagnosis all the lumps and bumps for a living. I don’t claim to know what he knows.  And he never having cancer doesn’t claim to know what I know. On the good side we have helped eachother understand from eachother’s point of view.  So that has been good.  But I digress.  If you have never actually been thorugh it, choose your advice and thoughts and knowledge of the subject with caution. But like they say…opinions are like assholes…everyone has one.

My issue is that when someone says something that is untrue (or talking out of their ass) it stays with me. It eats at me. I dwell on it. My mind won’t rest for days because of it. So what I need to do is stop listening to people who have their opinion.  I mean it’s great that they have one, but doesn’t mean it’s correct. I need to just nod and take it with a grain of salt and then just let it go.  Thats the part I have a hard time with. Letting things go from my mind.  THIS will be the hardest part of the Project me phase.  How to not let people get in your head.  This has always been an issue with me so I suppose it’s another reason I’m down this path….I’m my own worst enemy.

So outside of that the radiation site is probably a 2nd degree burn at this point.  They had mentioned taking a break at one point, but since I was so close to being done we are just going to go ahead and move forward. I have some creams to put on to help.  But besides the skin burning I have a pain inside which I’m sure is more things waking up and going “oh shit.” We have put physical thereapy on hold until my skin heals up. I go back on the 17th of November. Just one last check up and go over exercises that I’m going to continue on without them and then they will discharge me  there.

epicFatigue has been up and down. For the most part I’m able to get in 3-4 days at the gym.  So I do my cardio for 35 minutes then some core strenthening and then stretching. Once I’m done with radiation and my energy comes up a bit I’m going to start yoga a few times a week.  Once I get the core stronger and my full range of motion back then I’ll add weights.  All this working out though radiation is just to keep my energy up so I can make it through. I’m not trying to get buff or anything at this point.  This whole process is just going to be baby steps.  Slow and steady.  And just stay on my own mat.

I’ll say it again I’m sure but, a huge shout out to my rock in life and the one who has been there with me and has gotten me through the darkest of days, my husband.  And to my cousin who is more like a brother to me who has been there with me, who needed to learn as much as he could, to keep me laughing and take my mind off of things when I needed it most. To my Aunt and Uncle who came to see me. Two of my oldest friends who are my sounding boards that listen to my rants about anything and everything. And all my other friends and family who have supported me to keep my spirits up through all this craziness.  (Coloring books, oragami,  water bottles, blankets, tote bags,TastyKakes, scarves, hats, cards, inspirational books, fuzzy pajamas, and other goodes) I love you all. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart….I couldn’t have done it all without you.

 

Radiation Explained.

Sep28

I was going to start out with “I had radiation today” but then was like…duh, you have radiation every day!  I was thinking about how they do it and started to freak out about frying my lungs and heart and stuff.  Now I know they went over everything with me but they didn’t have pictures.  So I went in today with all my questions.  When you walk through to the treatment room you pass this console and it has your pictures on it.  So I stopped and looked at the CT scan of my chest.  There are all sorts of lines and things written all over it.  So I finally asked them to explain how this works for real.  So When they draw the lines on me it marks the area they are administering radiation…the line divides treatment into it two separate parts.  I was thinking they were doing the whole area to the right of my dots over my chest in the back too.  So the first zap is to the back under the arm to get to the backside of the lymph nodes. The second zap is to the front of the same spot to get the front of the lymph nodes.  The third zap they change the machine and put a pad on my chest and move the machine in closer. This zap is the one that gets where the tumor was. It doesn’t go as deep but it concentrates with the help of the padding.  So it doesn’t go deep enough to hit my lungs or heart. If it does it’s very minimal.

So here’s my awesome drawing to explain what they are doing for radiation. (I’m making a fist with my right hand there so back up off my hands!)

20160928_141313

ZAPPED!!!!

Sep22

20160922_082725Welcome to the last phase of treatment!!  Yes I will be starting an additional anti hormone drug in November. But this will be the last treatment I have to physically go in and have something done to me over time. And to commemorate this I will be parking in front of the “Fire tree” in the garage.  So Radiation!  I have 32 sessions left after today. (33 in total) They never add and they will not release me early.  Evidently there is this magic number of 33 they come up with that gives the best results with doing the least damage.  If I miss one due to weather or because I need to take a break due to skin issues they tack those to the end. 20160922_101433

I did the math of the number of hours spent with Chemo and the number spent with Radiation…Chemo still wins with spending the most time there.  Roughly 56 hours with chemo and 16.50 hours total for Radiation.  I guess Radiation seems like more because its every day M-F for 33 days.  But the sessions are only 15-30 minutes. Note these times include set up time. But anyway….

I went in and I put the very stylish hospital gown on. (just top half). I had to wait in the dressing room until they came to get me. 20160922_103122 Then I met my radiology team. There are 5 of them. I lay down on my back on the cool machine and they get me all lined up against all my awesome tattoos. They drew some lines on my chest. Evidently they will draw these lines every day. The theory is they come off in the shower…so they will know!!!!  LOL  Anyway, They took some pictures of my chest and finally zapped me. They do the top side and then the back side. So they radiate the entire area every day. Then they put this thing on my chest (not sure what it’s called yet…I’m sure I’ll learn more over the next few weeks). This pad on my chest is to force a concentration of radiation to the specific tissue where Cruella was. That was it.20160922_105104

I asked if there was anything I needed to do or not do. Any special creams or whatever they needed to give me.  I was told to just not put any lotion on my body like 3 hours before radiation treatment. Use all natural soaps and lotions and if I need to use deodorant on my left arm it should be natural (no aluminum). But they will give me things as I need them as things come up.  There is nothing they can give me to prevent skin issues, but there are things I should not use to keep skin issues from happening. We’ll see how any side effects (if any) come about.  Would be nice if I get out of this without any.  So far I’m a little tired today and I had some water and it tasted like metal.  Could be completely unrelated but I’ll keep an eye on it.

So this is my thing for the next month and a half.  Whoo Hoo.

In other news I had PT and it’s going to be real important to massage my arms and chest area and lymphatic massage.  Radiation will tighten things up so I need to really take care of that area and my skin. They sent over the prescription for my sleeve and glove today.  If the glove makes my hand feel better I’ll get one for my right hand as well.  I’ll only have to wear the sleeve and glove when I work out, any type of exercise or when it feels swollen. Hopefully it will stay that way and we can stay ahead of it.  If it gets worse we will deal with it at that time.

 

Scan Day!

Sep16

Yesterday I got all the calls for the round of procedures today. I was okay until I got off the phone with the CT scan nurse. Then I was looking at my calendar to make sure I had all my times right.  And it started to hit me.  What if the scan doesn’t come back clear? That’s going to really suck ass. So, try not to think about it.

Woke up early, got to the hospital at 8:00 for my Radiation Oncology evaluation.  This is my parking spot over in the cancer center20160916_110418

They did a Chest CT without contrast for planning. They put some wire strips on the area where the tumor and lymph nodes were removed.  They ran me through the machine a few times and then came out and drew some lines on my chest and shoulder. I guess they have to make sure they are able to get me in the exact same position for each session. I then got 5 small tattoo dots. Four on my left side where they can line up the area they are going to administer the radiation, and then one on my right side to make sure everything lines up correctly overall.  I’ll go back on Thursday for the first run through and then we will set up all my appointments.  I’ll be going Monday – Friday for 33 sessions.  This roughly puts me into the second week of November should I not have to delay due to burns and blistering. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.20160916_093943

I then had an hour and a half til my CT scan with contrast. This is the one that will show if there is any cancer left.  So I go in, they put in an IV (boy do I miss my port) Then we go in and do the scan.  I don’t think I’m too crazy about that contrast. But for this one they do some run throughs and then then administer the contrast, you feel this warm fuzzy feeling (not the good kind!) and then hold your breath.  Do that twice and done.  So I like it better than the MRI for sure…20160916_115822

After this I go over to the bone scan DEXA scan.  You just lay on the table and this arm goes over you.  That’s it.  Nothing too exciting.  BUT…The tech asks me if I have something around my waist band or if something was inserted into me during surgery.  I go over and look at the picture and say “Scar tissue maybe?” “Ahhhh…that’s what that is.” Yep. I’m totally thinking I could do her job.20160916_122343

So done. I had to go to the store to get something to eat since I hadn’t been able to do that all day. (Thank you CT scan with contrast).  So I went to the grocery store and picked up something (crackers, green juice and a Quest bar).  Then I went over to the gym and did my walk. I actually jogged a bit today…not a lot, just wanted to see what it felt like.  Stretched out and did some sit ups.  I go back to the locker room and get out my gym bag which I have had for at least 12 years and just realized…I blame the bag!!!  Anyhoo…20160916_142602

I get dressed and check my email. CT results are in.

FINDINGS:
Vague interstitial opacity left upper lobe is stable. 3 on the 3 mm nodule
right upper lobe stable. 2 mm nodule right middle lobe stable. No new
parenchymal nodules are noted.

The patient has undergone bilateral mastectomy and left axillary node
dissection. No residual masses are identified in the left axillary region.
There isn’t any pathologic mediastinal or hilar lymphadenopathy. No pleural
abnormalities are noted. The adrenals are normal sized bilaterally.

What does this mean?  NO CANCER BITCHES!!!!!!!

NOW WE REBUILD!!!!

BETTER!

FASTER!

STRONGER!

I’m trying to decide when warrior mode stops and if the next phase is that rebuilding phase…I guess if we are getting technical we are in clean up mode after the war…But I think I can start rebuilding while we do clean up.

I’m trying to let this sink in that I beat cancer.

superpower

(Yes I know there is always a chance it could come back…that there may always be a cloud over my head, but right now…I’m just going to ride the rainbow here!)