Tag Archive | stage-iv

Finding My Second Wind

Oct7

For the first time in a long while, I feel a spark again.
It’s subtle, but it’s there — a second wind that’s guiding me toward something meaningful. I have a few projects on the horizon that I’m genuinely excited about, and that excitement feels… new. Familiar in a way, yet deeply different. Maybe that’s because this version of me — the one standing here now — isn’t who I used to be.

Over the past months, I’ve spent a lot of time looking inward. Trying to understand this “new me.” The one who carries both strength and fragility. The one who’s learning not to fight every twist in her path, but to flow with it — to dance with it.

A conversation with another member of the Stage 4 club shifted my perspective completely. He told me, “With Stage 4, you’re not a warrior, and you’re not a survivor — you’re a dancer.”
That really hand an impact on me and made me think. Then of course “YAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!”

Because it’s true.
You stop trying to battle every cell, every scan, every fear — and instead, you learn to move with it. You sway between good days and bad, you rest when your body demands it, and you rise again when your spirit calls. You dance with life, with uncertainty, and yes, even with cancer.

Personally, I call my tumors and lesions “the parties.” They come and go, sometimes loud and wild, sometimes quiet and contained. Every so often, I check in — just to make sure they’re not getting out of control. It’s my way of keeping humor and grace alive in the middle of chaos.

Through reflection (and a lot of honesty), I’m finally starting to come to terms with who I am now — and even more, I’m beginning to appreciate what I’ve been through. Every setback, every scar, every “why me” moment has shaped this version of me that’s ready to create again.

The projects I’m working on are born from that journey. They come from the parts of me that have felt lost, found, broken, rebuilt, and redefined. I can’t wait to share them with you in the coming weeks — not just for those living with metastatic cancer, but for anyone trying to rediscover meaning in their own story.

Because maybe that’s what the second wind really is —
not the return of who we were, but the beginning of who we’re meant to become.

Scheduling, Treament, and Insurance

Jul28

Today’s rant includes three of my favorite things.

I had an appointment with the Radiology Oncologist today. She was explaining things, and I thought, ‘Yes, I’ve been through this before.’ So she told me what type of radiation I would have and the schedule. It will be the SBRT: Sterotactic Ablative Radiotherapy. The whole schedule is going to be an MRI in my pelvic region since the culprit is on my ilium. (the largest and uppermost bone of the pelvis, which forms part of the hip bone). Then, after the MR, I have to have a marking appointment. They used to do tattoos, but now they are doing a casing of the area they are going to zap, so you can’t move. After that, she has to review everything, come up with the dosing, and all the other technical doctor stuff. I’ll go for 5 sessions every other day. Not bad at all.

I will be tired, in more pain at first, and then it should be fine. Of course, there are side effects, because it wouldn’t be right without the side effects. We will then do another round of scans to see if there is any further activity. I think 6-8 weeks after I’m done.

Common Side Effects:

  • Fatigue
  • Skin Changes
  • Pelvic pain or discomfort
  • Nausea
  • Changes in bowel habits
  • Bladder irritation

Long-term effects that may occur months to years later

  • Bone weakening or fracture risk (which is going to happen with or without radiation)
  • Chronic pelvic pain
  • Scar tissue or fibrosis

Super excited. When I had my first rounds of radiation back in 2016 it was in my chest. So I had the fatigure, skin changes, arm/joint pain, nausea, heart issues and a whole lot of scar tissue and fibrosis. And these things still bother me to this day. So I’ll get to add a few more things to the list. I’m excited.

Before I left the office, we made an appointment for the marking appointment tomorrow at 8:00am. Then I noticed an MRI was put on my schedule for tomorrow at 2pm. Great. She said we needed to get this done sooner rather than later

Now…When I get home from all this appointment stuff and running some errands, I get a phone call from the hospital saying that insurance hasn’t approved anything yet. The person on the phone lets me know that it was marked at STAT and then continues to explain to me what STAT means. I’m like, I’m aware of the definition. He says we can keep that appointment if I pay $4980 up front (there’s a. 25% discount for paying this way). I’m like, I have met my deductible, and they are just going to turn around and write me a check. Here’s the thing. I have had them call before because they would rather be paid directly than go through insurance. I’d rather just not change what we are doing because then everyone gets confused.

Shortly after this, I get another call stating that we have to reschedule an appointment. Now, I have 8 doctor’s appointments over the next 2 weeks. I ask which appointment we are rescheduling. She says: “The hip.” Okay. I ask: “Is this for the MRI or the Marking?” And she replies again with the Hip. Okay great. I ask what the date and time of the appointment are right now. She tells me. Okay, it’s for the MRI. Fantastic. This appointment has been changed to August 4th. Next Monday. I look at MyChart, and the appointment for tomorrow morning is now gone.

I’m not calling anyone. I’m not going to complain, I’m not going to point out any of the things because I just don’t have the energy, and honestly, I don’t really care at this point.

I have 2 appointments tomorrow. I wonder if I’ll have more at the last minute or if they will surprise me. My favorite thing is that they just schedule things for me without asking me anything. And evidently without authorization.

Cant wait to see what happens the rest of the week!