After 28 full radiation sessions which consisted of the lymph nodes and the entire left chest area, the last 5 are right to the scar and that’s it.  So there is a new cut out and new positions for this. The cut out is the shape of my scar and they put it down real close with a barrier between the machine and my skin. Then ZAP! So 29 down, 4 to go.

I’m kinda glad we are done with under my armpit for the lymph nodes because it’s really kinda gnarly looking at this point.  And yes it hurts like a motherfucker.  So I just have to keep my scar area from getting all blistery and shit, and I’m home free.

Tomorrow I see both my Medical and Radiology oncologists.  So the Medical oncologist is first…we are going to put me on some more medications to help stop hormones.  Really? Because I’m such a joy and a half already. It will be interesting to see what side effects I get from that one.  It’s like Christmas….you just never know what gift lies ahead with all these treatments.  And then with Radiology she is going to look at my skin to see if we end Friday or Monday.  And to let me know when my follow-up appointment with her is.  Because you know they don’t just drop you…oh no…you are in it for life.   At least I will only have to go in every 6 months to see everyone.

I didn’t go to the gym yesterday and I didn’t go today.  There’s a 90% chance I won’t go tomorrow either.  I’m sticking to stretching and keeping it low until my skin heals under my arm and chest.  I tried to work out without moving my arm, but you see then there is this sweat thing that happens and boy does that not feel good.  So laying low for a week isn’t going to kill me.  Nothing is really working out as I planned…but I should be used to it by now. Oh and since I didn’t get to partake in Halloween candy yesterday I got a bite-sized peanut butter cup from the Chemo Lab (Because it’s the day after a holiday and they always have candy in there!)  Then I stopped at the Drugstore to get some aloe. (LOL….yeah..lame drug store…) and ended up getting 5 tiny tootsie rolls, 5 Hershey’s kisses and a tootsie pop (cherry).  I think that’s way better than my plan to stop by Dairy Queen for a Blizzard (and get sick from it)

I’ve also come to the point where my positivity has evolved.  I used to be all “I got this!” “Gooooooo me!” “WARRIOR!”  “FIGHT CANCER AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!”  “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH”  Yeah, whatever.  Now I’m like “eh…whatever happens happens and I’m just going to stay on my own mat.”  It seems of all the treatments radiation is the one to wear me down and be all like…fuck it….doesn’t matter.  Now don’t get me wrong…don’t take my lack of enthusiasm for giving up or not being strong.  I now just wait to see what is thrown at me and with a deep sigh under my breath “bring it.”